I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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