it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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