I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My vagina just recognized that song.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize