Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
