just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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