Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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