2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
