I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
