fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
