I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize