I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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