A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
