The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
