My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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