dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
