Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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