Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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