What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
