Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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