last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
