Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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