His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
