he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
