She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
