The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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