If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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