he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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