So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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