What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
