i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
