8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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