i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
