I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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