You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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