I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
