Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Someone shattered a urinal.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
