will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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