you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize