I saw his package. It spoke to me.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
