True but thats because hes a fetus.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize