i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
