Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
