So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
