i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
