Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
