I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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