Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
