Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
