You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
