I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
