she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
