Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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