Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
tell me about the fingering
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
