I need help removing her.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
