ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
