I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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