HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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