Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
