if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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