Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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