so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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