we have pet lesbian snakes
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
40s are totally the cure
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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