Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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