I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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